Friday, September 03, 2010

I am not an expert in this field but I do try to keep up to date with the Bundesliga. -Angela Merkel

First, some disclaimers:

1. I had to google like 10 things about this blog title.
a.I had no idea what a Bundesliga is.
i. But I think it sounds awesome.
ii. And according to Wikipedia it is, in fact, quite awesome.
b. I have no idea who Angela Merkel is.
i. But Merkel sounds like Urkel, who is awesome.
ii. And according to Wikipedia she is the Chancellor of Germany. So...awesome?
c. Okay, so maybe not 10...
2. I read a quote earlier this week about not being an expert but still being entitled to speak on a subject, but I couldn't remember where, so I googled to find said quote, couldn't, but came up with this one instead.
a. It says basically the same thing.
i. Non-expert = should stop right there
ii. But = carry on anyway
b. I have nothing to say here, but one of the few things I remember from learning to outline is that you have to have at least two items in each level of an outline for some reason*
3. I'd like to stress that I am so not an expert in what is about to come next, so continue at your own risk.
a. If you want to stop, for a safer (and let's be honest, funnier) version what I'm about to say:
i. Read this.
ii. And this.
iii. And this.
iv. And maybe this.
v. And this.
vi. And even this. (Bet you didn't think math would ever come into MY blog, did ya?)
vii. And now you can just leave me like this.
b. If you're brave enough to stay on board, here goes...

So I have this theory called Procrastination = Good Grades. I've formed this theory over years of research in the areas of putting off, postponing, ignoring, and delaying, and all with good to excellent results.

For example: Freshman Year, Physical Science 100

I signed up for Physical Science 100 as an online class. There was a once-a-week session with the professor in a classroom at the ESC, but I never went. There were tests every three weeks or so, but I never studied. Thus, I approached the final sporting a solid C-.

Unfortunately, a C- wouldn't cut it, as I had a GPA to maintain, so on the last day of finals, after all my other tests were done, I took my textbook to the library and read it from cover to cover, literally, then ran to the JSB and word vomited all over a bubble sheet.

I walked away 30 minutes later with an A in the class.


But it's not just academics that prove this theory to be true (and here's where I get to the part I know nothing about). Life also give us numerous proofs.

For example: Growing a Baby

Now obviously I've never had a baby myself, but I had Stace Salmans for health so I actually did work in that class. Also I've had enough friends who write enough blogs that cover every. little. detail. about the process that I feel like I at least have a rudimentary understanding. To wit:

The longer you cook it = the better it tastes.

(And by tastes I mean has all its fingers and toes, is fully developed in its various systems, and the more you just want to eat it up. I can personally attest to this fact in that my lungs were still doughy when I came out of the oven, and have been pretty unappetizing ever since.)


So when it comes to my own baby of sorts (I shall call him Baby D), I believe the same logic holds. The longer I keep him inside, growing, and changing, and circling, and forming, and reforming, the yummier Baby D will be when I let him out. Makes sense right?

I mean, I can do all my research months in advance, find the right name (thesis), build a sturdy crib (outline), gather people together to give me lots of perfect little clothes (quotes), accessories (statistics), and blankets (a September 28th appointment with a heat binder), and that's all well and good.

Only, my supervisors want Baby D now. They want to poke him and prod him and take him apart piece by piece, put him back together again, but in a different construction. And have me cook him some more.

And that's just not natural.

And so I procrastinate.

*Pathetically, I do believe this outline is more complex than the actual outline for my actual dissertation, that I should actually be working on...


Nama said...

Since I was taught (in high school?) that you should have at least two levels in an outline, I find myself being OCD about it. And it bugs me to death when I see others' outlines with only 1 point in a level.

Is this rational? Probably not...

Now, get back to writing that thesis! Or cooking it. Or procrastinating. Or...writing hilarious blogs.

Adriane said...

See, I knew we were best friends for a reason. It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one who procrastinates. Even if you are procrastinating a much bigger and scarier paper than I am...

You got this.


Meridith said...

Two thunder claps from me:

1. Genius. I loved how your analogy came together with "the better it tastes" tying so well with "the more you just want to eat it up." Awesome.

2. This is how I got through high school and college—oh, and lots of 2:30 a.m. writing sessions. :)

Erika said...

I totally did the exact same thing for Physical Science! It's good to know I wasn't the only one :)

Rachel said...

Love the PhD cartoons! Your outline is great too. I love reading your blog. You always make me smile :)