Death and Taxes

No offense to my good friend Ben Franklin, but things have changed a bit since back in the day when certainty was so limited. Nowadays I'm sure you could find loads of things to add to the list.

Like... oh, I don't know, I guess you could say there's a pretty big certainty of nothing but awesomeness in a conversation prefaced by the following statement: "So, I was Googling you the other day," for instance...

False. There's a 100% certainty.

Observe:

Random Relative of Questionable Relationship (RROQR): "So, I was Googling you the other day..."

Me: "Really? Why?"

RROQR: "Don't Ask."

Me: "Oh...okay..."

RROQR: "Anyway, I found this."

Me: "Huh."

RROQR: "Well, don't you have anything to say about that?"

Me: "Well... Number 1. Not too shabby."

RROQR: "What!? Anything else?"

Me: "Um... Oh, and obviously I shouldn't hold my breath."

RROQR: "What does that even mean?"

Me: "Well, it doesn't look like he's very committed does it?"

RROQR: "Committed?!?"

Me: "Yeah. Look, he's only done four things. He could step it up a bit. I mean, how hard is it to wear sweat pants for a week straight?"

RROQR: "So it doesn't even bother you?"

Me: "No. Why should it? It most likely isn't this Meagan Brady. And if it is, then good for him. Frankly I'm offended that dating me isn't on more 43 Things Lists. I should merit a cheer in the very least!"

RROQR: "...You are so weird."

Me: "Says the Random Relative of Questionable Relation who was Googling me?"

RROQR: "What did you call me?"

Me: "Nevermind."
...

As my good friend Ben Franklin* would say, "Rock on, RROQR. Rock on."

*Not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99% sure.