Once upon a time there was this girl who shall remain nameless-- this may sound like I’m making her up, but this is untrue. She is, in fact, a real person whose experience I heard from a reliable source.
Anyway, this girl got these really bad headaches all the time, and soon they spread to her neck and back like so many unwanted dandelions. The pain got so bad that this girl went to a doctor where they did all these crazy tests and couldn’t find anything wrong. So the good doctor, who, in complete tactfulness and delicacy, blandly suggested it might be stemming from a brain tumor.
Idiot. The girl, her parents and everyone else involved freaked out of course, so they quickly ran more tests. And what do you think the root of the problem was? Not cancer, luckily, but STRESS, the eventual killer of us all!!
This poor girl got so worked up over homework and schoolwork and housework that she was stressing herself to death!
So this genius of a doctor prescribed a treatment that could only come from a brain that worked in such a way as his. Now, every time this girl sits at the computer or reads a book, she first attaches little suction-cup probes to her forehead, neck, and spine. These probes attach to wires. The wires attach to this box. The box attaches to a plug that goes INTO THE WALL, and any time her muscles tense beyond a certain, previously-determined level of tautness, she gets a nice little shock!
Electrocution: the ultimate relaxation device.
Makes cold cans sound pretty good…