some things i learned today:

1. Eyelashes are the new smile.

2. There are people in the world with even less willpower than me.

3. I am eerily good at winning the Mexican lottery.

Bowling for Turkeys

It started out as an innocent enough thought: What about the cranberry sauce?

And grew into a full-fledged fear: WHAT ABOUT THE CRANBERRY SAUCE?!?

Which led to an innocent enough suggestion: How about I make the cranberry sauce?

And soon devolved into full-fledged terror: HOW ABOUT I MAKE THANKSGIVING DINNER?!?

And produced an innocent enough fact: I don't know how to cook.

That was shouted from the rooftops: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COOK!!!

That was ignored. IGNORED!


Oh well. At least the cranberry sauce turned out*:



*This is how it really looked**
**Minus the green stuff***
***Not an exaggeration


And don't worry, my newfound cooking skills are totally effecting my coordination skills in a positive way. Not only did I (almost) strike out with the gravy and stuffing (curse you store-bought stuff), but I totally caught a touchdown in the Turkey Bowl*:

*This is how it really looked**
**Minus the bandana and short shorts***
***And with mean, cleat-wearing boys****
****Not a (blatant) exaggeration

"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult." - Charlotte Whitton

Woman. A force to be reckoned with. Strong. Opinionated. Clever.
Man. A force to be reckoned with. Strong. Opinionated. Clever.

50 Women. 1 Man. Lucky Man? Think Again.

So the end of the year is approaching, and for this reason, the bishopric of my ward has been handing out envelopes to all our ward members with our church membership information and our current balance of tithing and fast offering donations in preparation for tithing settlement.

Our illustrious executive secretary had the responsibility of coming into Relief Society to hand out envelopes to the sisters. Usually this man is the epitome of cool. Smart. Razor-sharp wit. King of comebacks. You know the type.

So he finished handing out all of the envelopes he had, then told us that if we had any problems with our records (i.e. we think we paid more tithing or our name is spelled wrong) then to come talk to him.

And then he was dethroned.

The following is a transcript of the blessed event:

Executive Secretary (who shall remain nameless): "So before I leave, does anybody have a problem with their record?"

Katrina Norris (who shall not remain nameless): "Um, yeah. On mine, next to 'Current Spouse' is says 'NONE'."

Executive Secretary (who shall remain nameless): "Oh yeah? Let me take a look at that."

Katrina Norris (who shall not remain nameless): smiles in mock innocence.

Rest of Relief Society (including Bishop): Starts laughing uncontrollably.

Executive Secretary (who shall remain nameless): understanding dawns. face reddens. stiffly returns paper. exits.

Woman. A force to be reckoned with. Strong. Opinionated. Clever. Winner.
Man. A force to be reckoned with. Strong. Opinionated. Clever. Loser.

a consumer complaint

Some people have no personality.
But that's okay, because sometimes someone with no personality is just what you need.
But want you don't need or want is some personality-less drone trying to be hip.

Some people have pearls.
But that's okay, because sometimes pearls are just what you need.
But what you don't need or want are some classic, understated beads tied around your hips.


Yes, Tom Shane, I was talking about you. Both times.