STOP!

do you smell that?

I have your shoes.

Some famous person once said something.

The gist of it was “The things that bug you most about other people are often things that you also have a problem with.” That being the case, I’m in the market for some heavy-duty super glue, an air-compressor staple gun, or one of Annie’s dad’s handy-dandy-cell-phone-attachers-of-permanence.

About a week ago, Taylor never came home. There had been previous occasions where she had disappeared for extended periods of time, but those were when she had a boyfriend.

Now she has a missionary in the MTC.

My first thought was, “Oh, no!” Closely followed by “No, it’s okay. I already told her breaking and entering doesn’t work.”

She was gone ‘til past midnight and wasn’t answering her cell phone and I was annoyed and my mom was crying.

Anyway, she eventually answered and quickly came home. When she walked in, my mom said “Pick up or move out.”

Taylor thought she said “Pick up AND move out.”

There was more crying.


So sorry to anyone whose call I missed for less-than-legitimate reasons. It will probably happen again, but when I eventually return your call, I can commiserate with you in your annoyance. (:

Anyway, I hope school is good for y’all.

YYYEEESSS!

So once, for the first time EVER, ALL my textbooks fit into ONE BAG!

And they had these awesome bookmarks of Nathan to advertise for the OCTOBER 21ST release of the second movie!


Only don't blame me if there aren't any left.... (:

the next aristotle still has a bottle

As I was surfing the Daily Universe site for Tiffany in all her graduation glory I saw the statistics from this year's graduating class. The youngest graduate was 19. NINETEEN! Who the heck is that smart? Have they always been that smart?

So later on I was watching TV with the fam and we watched this show called "House". It's a medical show about a Dr. House who works at some specialized research hospital and has the most fantastically caustic sense of humor. My mom is in love with him.

Anyway, in a Steinbeckesque fashion, the main storyline occasionally cut away for a small, turtle-crossing-the-roadish story about this teenager (Twitty on "Even Stevens") who is babysitting his twoish-year-old brother who keeps sticking things up his nose because Twitty (not his name but not the point) did that magic trick where he pulled a coin out of his (the baby's) nose.

So first the baby comes in and he has this tiny little toy policeman up his nose. House pulls it out with tweezers. The next day it's a tiny little fireman toy. House pulls it out with tweezers. The next day it's a not so tiny fire truck toy. Out come the tweezers once again. Stupid kid, right? WRONG!

House, in his creepishly-amazing "I know everything in the world" attitude realizes that the boy is in fact a genius so he of course gets a high-powered magnet and sticks it up the kid's nose and out comes this even less tiny metal toy cat.

The two-year-old was only sending the troops up to save the cat.

In seventeen years, HE'LL be a BYU grad.

Ashley Clement For President!

Okay, so a most of you probably don't even know who she is, but through a "Legally Blonde"-esque nomination platform I will prove that she's the best qualified. Only except for a pool, I'll use a volleyball court:

#1- Ashley Clement is not afraid to stand up for her morals.
Example: While the rest of us girls tried to avoid looking at these guys. Ashley boldly shouted "Ew! Gross! Put a shirt on!"

#2- Ashley Clement knows the importance of a good appearance.
Example: After a missed serve: "That doesn't count, I have to fix my hair."

#3- Ashley Clement doesn't gamble
Addendum: But she always keeps an ace up her sleeve just in case.

And perhaps most importantly:

#4- Ashley Clement comes from humble beginnings. She is truly one of the people! Example: "7-11 Service!"


So Vote for Ashley Clement! Now the ball is in your court!

Um...

let me know how it ends, I didn't make it past the first paragraph...

another flip-flop story

I think it was Aristotle that said "Art Imitates Life", but after a few choice experiences yesterday, I venture to tweak that statement a little bit and say that the opposite is true.

First I went to work and my boss' dog began barking at me like he normally does, only he wasn't looking normal, he looked more like this. (Apparently he cut his ear on something and has to wear a headcast for a week.)
Then I was in the stationary aisle at Target where this guy was on the phone with his wife trying to describe candle scents. It went like this (I'm forming the wife's side based on the husbands responses):
Husband: "Here's one called waterfall."
Wife: "What does it smell like?"
Husband: "Um.... water? Or soap?"
Wife: "Any others?"
Husband: "How about fresh laundry?"
Wife: "What does it smell like?"
Husband: "Um.... water? Or soap? Basically the same."
Wife: "You need to describe them better."
Husband: "I can't describe them better. (pause) We're not communicating very well. (pause) *sigh*"
I was just waiting for that guy to come in and switch phones.

Then as I was leaving the checkstand, these two guys were peering into the bagged ice freezer asking "what? what? what?" until the door opened and a voice from the depths said "Can you hear me now? Good. It's cold in here." before this other guy climbed OUT of the freezer.

Just as I got to the doors to leave, the girl in front of me walked right into the doors. It was like some sad, slapstick comedy routine only it was deliciously real. She even made the "umpf" noise as she bounced off of them.

So as I got in my car, another epiphany piggy-backed into my head: Boys never grow up and embarrassing moments will stalk us all our lives.

Just remember the immortal words of the great Brad Holland:

"Art imitates life. Life imitates high school."

*sigh*